|
From Traumatized Scapegoat to my own G.O.A.T Version!
When I was a child, my greatest wish was to live a life where I was free from the uncomfortable and ongoing lump in my throat while holding back the tears or feeling constantly overwhelmed. My mom took me to a Neurologist when I was young for testing. He told her my brain worked like about 10% of the population. I suppose today I would be called, "neurodivergent."
My biggest childhood dream was to be my genuine self (highly sensitive, empathic, emotional, vulnerable, spiritually gifted AND hugely flawed and imperfect self) around people who could cherish and protect me rather than bully me or project the parts they didn't like about themselves onto me. My biggest adult dream has been to use my gifts and skills to help as many people as possible reconnect with their love currency as a key component to their overall abundance consciousness. I finally went for BOTH of these this dreams well into my adulthood. The journey was heroic indeed! From a young age I learned to wear masks to fake who I really was until the pain became too much. There have been fun adventures and experiences of all types along the way with companions that were amazing. Yet I never felt like I really fit anywhere because quite often, the world actually overwhelmed me -- crowds, bright lights, loud noises, toxins in the food, water and unnatural environments. My strategy from a young age for being different was to find peace or numbing out by getting lost in my imagination, creativity, love of animals and nature and connection to the Most High God. With the struggles of being different came some incredible gifts. "We don't know how you do what you do, but it seems like magic." I've heard this many times throughout my life. "What you touch seems to turn to gold." or, "I feel inspired when I'm around you." When I'm in my light, ideas and creativity come to me easily and naturally. Intuition guides my every move. People tell me I have good energy. I have insights and dream visions for the highest potential of people and situations. This is my secret sauce. Sharing it with others is my passion. When I'm operating from shadow, I become overwhelmed and well, like anyone, it's not always productive or pleasant. I struggled to explain to people how I was able to do these things because I never really understood it myself. I was paid well by employers and clients for my talents yet I always felt somewhat awkward about them. So the less I accepted myself and my own uniqueness, the more I was unconsciously giving some people permission to take advantage of me. The emotional and spiritual abuse I have experienced in my life, though deeply painful, ultimately gave me both the inner strength and the wisdom to step into my higher calling. Believing in my dreams, being of service to others (without sacrificing myself), giving voice to my creative essence, accepting and embracing my shadow aspects, creating, connecting with others on soulful levels and trusting my intuition are the ingredients for me to live a fulfilling life. Developing My Service Work About a decade ago, I had arrived at a point in my coaching practice where I was envious of my own clients since I was using my natural talents and acquired skills to help them achieve their dreams while seriously neglecting my own. I had co-dependent and people-pleasing habits to heal, inner toxicity, a low sense of self worth to rebuild, and also some serious blockages to self love. I needed to understand what it felt like to give what I had been giving others to myself! I created AnuBel while navigating the turbulence of facing my own shadow and healing traumas, wounds and uncomfortable emotions. When I took that initial leap of faith, I was supported by life in the most unexpected and unusual ways. Following my calling, I kept going during uncertain times and always managed to land on my feet. I decided to love myself free from self rejection and bullying from others one little bit at a time, a moment, hour and day at a time. It's been a gentle spiral, not a straight line. I said no to toxic behaviors within me and outside of me. I was motivated by a desire to reach the end of my life without regrets for settling for comfort or security and never going for my deepest dream and higher calling. My life looked pretty good on the outside yet it did not feel great on the inside. I was not yet fulfilled. Rather, as an empath, or emotional sherpa I had spent far too much time in my life as the scapegoat taking on the projections of other people's unhealed emotions and confusing them as my own. I loved to cheer on others to achieve their potential as it is quite natural for me. Yet until I developed the strength to have good boundaries and balance, I often created unbalanced relationships. Sharing the Wisdom The adventure of life is a creative one filled with highs, lows and in-between for all of us. One thing is for certain, life is going to unfold anyway, so we might as well be on a adventure of our own choosing rather than just letting life happen to us. Believing in ourselves and never giving up on our dreams is actually the secret ingredient to achieving them. Otherwise we might end up in someone else's nightmare! Been there. Done that. In earlier versions of myself, I spent decades in financial services marketing fulfilling various roles overseeing national marketing campaigns, creative breakthroughs and product launches that yielded significant growth for employers and clients. I believe we are currently in the midst of a significant evolutionary cycle in consciousness for humanity whereby we need to refocus our attention on the truth in our hearts, our love rather than the constant survival focus on money. The old structures created from too much logic, fear and survival for money are falling away in favor of more benevolent systems and structures created for the benefit of all. I know from my own experiences that facing significant changes in our lives requires courage to face the fear of the unknown and develop an entirely new perspective that can feel wobbly for a while. We've all got the old programs and conditioning to work through plus some uncomfortable emotions. That's when we need to ask for support from another who believes in our potential without attachment to any particular outcome. Feel free to reach out: [email protected] |
Work Experience |
I was a marketing executive for decades working for Fortune 100 and 500 financial services companies, then ventured out on my own as a consultant. I've worked at startups and owned a direct marketing agency. As a certified life coach, I have worked with artists, executives, business owners, and teams to help them achieve their next level dream or higher version of themselves.
|
Education |
I hold Bachelor of Arts degree from UCLA, Master of Arts degree in Transpersonal Psychology from John F. Kennedy University and am a Certified Life Coach through the International Coach Federation.
|
