Wanna see less conflict and chaos in the world? Hug Your Inner A-hole (dark side)

I’ve hidden my “Neurodivergence” in the dark recesses of the shame story of, “Something is terribly wrong with me” for most of my life. Raised by parents who were shaped during The Depression, war and survival eras, the greatest goal of anyone was to be conformist, like everyone else except maybe a bit better. People with money and the highly educated were seen as almost god like because their paths were out of reach for the majority of people. That was then.

My path has often been one of painful masking and contortion. No matter how hard I tried, I failed miserably at being like everyone else except for brief periods of time I couldn’t sustain for very long

The wound is where the light enters you. -Rumi

I always ended up burning out or pissing someone off for something I said or something special I requested that was seen negatively. I can be both bluntly honest and hyper sensitive because my brain works differently from most. Often I stayed quiet, focused and to myself because it keeps me out of harm’s way.

At times I found myself blurting out a secret about someone that they found deeply offensive because they had told no one so how did I know. Honestly, I did not know how I knew. By the time I apologized for my mistake, the person was so far gone in their discomfort toward me, they simply vanished. The rare few though, found it endearing.

I can see patterns of all kinds and know peoples’ secrets and hidden agendas intuitively. These are gifts that didn’t seem like gifts for most of my life. I admit, I’d be uncomfortable around me, too!

My strategy then became one of trying really REALLY hard to be liked. I worked extra hard at jobs so my results would ensure a certain standing. I had to do whatever it took so that no one would figure out that there is something terribly wrong with me. I leaned into friends and family to become that indispensable person in their lives so I wouldn’t be rejected. I often overlooked negative treatment of me because I so desperately wanted to be included, it didn’t matter. I mean, why would anyone treat a person with respect who acts desperate!?!

I literally didn’t know how to be in this world as me. So I felt like an utter failure despite my best efforts.
To shift from the belief of, “There is something terribly wrong with me” to, “There is something different about me” was a long road. Then to leap into, “There is something special about me” took more time and a heck of a lot of courage.

The Gift Of The Wound
Most every spiritual tradition has a version of, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Depending on your belief system and what you consider to be your guiding light, there is an inherent human experience regarding the idea that what seeks to destroy us, can save us. Life is a journey, different for each of us, so that one thing that can destroy you is not exactly the same as mine or anyone else’s.

The one thing we give to others naturally or want to take from others can be the very thing we actually want to receive from others. Ultimately we all want to be loved unconditionally from the people around us. We don’t live in a perfect world so this desire can go unmet.
So what can we do? We can understand what it is we are giving to others naturally when we are in our light. How are people receiving us? I know from my experience, when I’m not saying or doing offensive things from my shadow side, they like the way they feel around me. They feel seen and understood. They can feel inspired. They want more.

Unless I felt so desperate to be seen and appreciated by others for who I am and acting from that wounded place, I would’ve never understood the incredible gift that arose from it. I became brilliant at seeing the potential of a person, situation, product, service and so forth. I could spot positive patterns in them, their lives and help inspire them to go for that potential. What I wasn’t so brilliant at seeing though was the darkness and shadow side because I wanted everyone to “like” me.
Not until I went through a serious dark night of the soul to integrate my own shadow, was I able to see the shadow in another so our connection could be balanced with healthy boundaries. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for another person is surrender the connection to God and trust that what is for you will always return. This is not an easy thing to do.

My gift is my wound and my wound is my gift. Your gift is your wound. Your wound is your gift.
We live in a time where we are undergoing many shifts and changes as a collective. It’s actually a service to take responsibility for our wounds or shadow sides instead of projecting them onto others or expecting other people to meet our deep unmet needs. It has that ripple effect. We lead by the example we set through our own choices and behaviors.

When we change, we receive resistance from our environments and the people around us. It scares them because they don’t know how it will impact them. That’s normal. True leadership though is to be bold and do it anyway. Eventually people will notice the positive changes and adopt some of them for themselves.

That’s really how we create sustained and positive change. One evolving soul at a time until it becomes the new normal. Sure, we can opt to burn down cities and towns to force our will on others or else, but I think this way is the better way to go.