Do you like "boobs" a lot?

There used to be a song made popular on the Dr. Demento show back in the 1970's called, "Do you like boob's a lot." We laughed and giggled because back then, when we were young teenagers, it was "edgy," especially because it was being broadcast over the radio.

Thinking about this song today, it actually helps me uncover something buried deep in the recesses of "my shadow." Our shadows contain all types of things we disowned about ourselves. Often, these things have nothing to do with anything we did wrong or were "bad." Just negative experiences.

Yes, for me it has to do with my boobs. God blessed me with great boobs and a skinny waist to go along with them. I have since I was about 13 or 14? I don't remember the exact age. I just remember the negative experiences that came about as a result of growing a great rack. I was treated very differently, yet I still was a child who didn't understand why people were acting so strangely around me.

When the boy next door asked me to go steady, I said I needed to think about it. So I ran home to ask my mother for advice. She said, "Oh, he just likes you for your boobs. So just don't say anything." So I took her advice. Thus began my self concept that boys, then men only like me for my boobs.

Over time, I developed poor posture because I was trying to hide them. Thus sending out a signal that I had poor self esteem so indeed, I attracted many who were attracted to me for the wrong reasons.

This story was perpetuated throughout my youth. My first sexual experience was with a man who told his friends, "She has the best boobs in Newport Beach." Again, the belief getting stronger that the only valuable thing about me were my boobs. I could go on and on about the most disgusting predatory behaviors by teachers, coaches and even family members related to being a young innocent girl with nice boobs.

I grew into a young woman who often hid her boobs from view by wearing certain clothing and slumping her shoulders.

To this day, I am now in my 60's and it was recently said to me again by a family member, that the only reason someone was interested in me was because, "I was working those boobs." These long held stories about us can continue to lurk in the shadows of our lives. It takes real effort to change the story inside my own lives. It starts with ignoring the stupid comments that are truly a reflection of what THAT other person would do. For me to uphold the new story that people genuinely like me for ME is my responsibility.

One day when I was a teenager I was sitting on the beach near our home in Newport Beach. My late older sister came over to sit with me. Her boyfriend spotted her and approached us. I was introduced to him. Feeling uncomfortable, I excused myself so I could walk home shortly after he approached. When she came home, she stormed into our shared room and said, "You were shoving those boobs of yours in his face. That's why he asked me why don't you have nice boobs like your sister?" Obviously she was hurt by this jerk. She chose to blame me for his terrible behavior. These are the negative experiences that turn into narratives built up over time.

The point is not to cry and whine about how awful people can behave because we all know every single human behaves badly from time to time (some far more than others). No, the point is to uncover the stories and experiences that became false beliefs that continue to lurk in our subconscious that literally ruin our chances for true happiness.

This buried belief became something I was deeply ashamed about. My boobs, which actually represent my femininity. I was somehow bad or causing people to behave this way. What do I do about it? Overcompensate. Accomplish things in life. Work hard. Develop myself. Suppress my femininity.

It's crazy that the blessing of beautiful breasts could end up being something so painful. The real truth about me is that ALL I ever really wanted was to live a feminine life. You know what? That is the life I live now. I faced the pain, the false beliefs and my own distorted self concepts. I energetically told anyone who tried to pull me back into this false story to "F" off. I've worked hard to improve my posture, to wear whatever I want without shame about my body parts. I am well aware now of my own value and worth, which is my best protection from being used by others.

The people in my life now care about me for me, not to "get something" from me for themselves. This is the sweet result of doing "shadow work."